Post by Frostbite200 on Apr 22, 2010 21:01:13 GMT -6
I've been writing something lately and would like to get some feedback from you guys!
“I SAID OPEN THE DAMN SAFE”
Four armed robbers stand, equally spaced, threw out The First National bank’s foyer.
Muddy foot prints are cover the red carpet, all the employees and customers lye on the ground with they’re hands placed atop they’re heads. The four assailants wear balaclavas over they’re faces. One watches the door, he’s shorter then the rest, another two cover the hostages with sawn off shotguns and the last stands next to the deposit counter yell orders. “DIDN”T YOU HEAR ME?, I SAID OPEN IT”, he yells as he points his gun at clerk. “Sir the…the, manager his, the only…one…who, who can ,ahh, open it”, says the clerk as she sweats profusely. “Then get him, NOW”, he replies. The clerk slowly gets up from the floor, “HURRY THE F$@k UP”.
She squeals with her head face the ground she runs toward the office area, his aim follows her as she does. She looks up to see to see the manager standing by the door of his office. She looks at him and says “I wanna raise!”.
“I SAID OPEN THE DAMN SAFE”
Four armed robbers stand, equally spaced, threw out The First National bank’s foyer.
Muddy foot prints are cover the red carpet, all the employees and customers lye on the ground with they’re hands placed atop they’re heads. The four assailants wear balaclavas over they’re faces. One watches the door, he’s shorter then the rest, another two cover the hostages with sawn off shotguns and the last stands next to the deposit counter yell orders. “DIDN”T YOU HEAR ME?, I SAID OPEN IT”, he yells as he points his gun at clerk. “Sir the…the, manager his, the only…one…who, who can ,ahh, open it”, says the clerk as she sweats profusely. “Then get him, NOW”, he replies. The clerk slowly gets up from the floor, “HURRY THE F$@k UP”.
She squeals with her head face the ground she runs toward the office area, his aim follows her as she does. She looks up to see to see the manager standing by the door of his office. She looks at him and says “I wanna raise!”.
